


Feels Like I'm Running Out of Time

by JustARobin05



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Murder, Brother Technoblade, But also not, Childhood Trauma, DadSchlatt, Dialogue Heavy, Drug Use, FatherPuffy, Found Family, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempts, Insomnia, Jack is concerned, POGGERS I DIDN'T KNOW THAT'S A COOL NAME, PUFFY'S NAME IS CARA????, Platonic Cuddling, Ranboo comes in in part 2, Smoking, Techbroblade, Technobro, They smoke weed lmao, Trauma, Tubbo n Tommy just fuckin' laugh at him, Underage Smoking, Vibing, Wilbur but casper the friends ghost is here, awesamdad, he's just striaght up, he's vibin man, they are brothers your honour, you know how it be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustARobin05/pseuds/JustARobin05
Summary: Tubbo knows a lot. He knows that Schlatt was his dad, he knows how to roll, and he knows that smoking helps when he can't sleep.  Tommy knows that it's not a good way to cope, but it's the best way that he has, so he and Tubbo smoke together when their minds unfairly plauge them with thoughts. They know that it can help, and who's saying that they're the only ones who it could help?OR:The kids get high and talk about their issues.//Title from: Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High by Arctic Monkeys\\
Relationships: Cara | CaptainPuffy & Sam | Awesamdude, Cara | CaptainPuffy & Sam | Awesamdude & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit & Ranboo, Jack Manifold & Niki | Nihachu, Jack Manifold & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Jack Manifold & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Tommyinnit & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Comments: 89
Kudos: 500





	1. How high are you? {No, it's hi, how are you}

**Author's Note:**

> If any of the creator's are uncomfortable with their characters being written in this way I will take this fic down. I haven't seen anything saying that they are so far, but I could just... not be seeing it.

Tubbo knew. 

He'd known for most of his life, and just because they tried to convince him otherwise, it didn't mean that he didn't know. He knew as soon as he saw the goat-hybrid standing tall next to Quackity, he saw the way his cheekbones stood out the same way Tubbo's did, he saw his eye shape, he saw the vulnerability to addiction that the brunette knew had ran through his family.

As soon as Tubbo met JSchlatt, he fucking knew, okay? He knew that Schlatt was his dad. There was no way that the man wasn't.

He saw it in the way that he'd avoid meeting Tubbo's eyes, too. He'd try his hardest to avoid the fact that they both knew, but they'd pretended that they didn't. The younger sometimes wondered if he felt guilt, part of him wished that he did.

It wasn't that Tubbo had a bad life, or a bad childhood, Phil was great when he and Tommy were kids, all things considered, even if that had changed after the wars. Until he'd moved out with Wilbur and Tommy, Tubbo's life had been okay without Schlatt.

Sometimes, though, he'd find himself wondering what it'd be like if he had lived with Schlatt during his childhood. A lot of the time, the thoughts weren't positive, but sometimes, _sometimes_ he'd trick himself into thinking that they would be. 

Sometimes, he'd think that Schlatt would've cleaned up his act for him. That the ex-president would've tucked him into bed, or helped him through his nightmares that were always so frequent. That the goat-hybrid would stop him when a blade called for him to use it against himself, or when his mind yelled at him that he was worthless, he wasn't worth caring about or for, he wasn't worth his friends. 

As much as he knew that Schlatt was his father, he knew that would never happen. He knew that he was simply building up falsities within his mind for his own comfort. Tubbo had never had someone like that, and he never would, no matter how much he cried for one in the dark of the night.

It'd never fucking happen, and he knew that.

  
It was three am when Tubbo gave up on sleep, when he gave up on the small act that someone was in his bed holding him close and humming him to sleep. It haunted him that he thought of Schlatt, but that didn't stop the imagery of him holding him close, muttering apologies under his breath for the burn-scar that stuck out on Tubbo's chest. 

It was also three am when he got a message from Tommy on his communicator. It was short, but it didn't need to be any longer for Tubbo to get what the blonde was trying to say.  
"I can't sleep," blared in white text, stinging the teen's eyes before they slowly adjusted to the small amount of light.  
"Come 2 Snowchester," he replied, getting out of his bed, barley giving his limbs time to comprehend that they were moving after lying prone for so long. 

Tubbo rolled while he waited. Something that both he and Tommy had gotten used to after moving with Wilbur, it was something that the elder had taught them. Tubbo wasn't as good as Wilbur was, not yet, but he knew that he was better than Tommy, and that's why he rolled for the two when they did this. When they couldn't sleep.

He sat on the front step of his house, a little cold due to the nature of the biome he was in, he was wearing a down-graded version of his usual outfit, to his credit, he had been in pyjamas not even fifteen minutes before.

He saw Tommy walking up to him, bags hung under his eyes as he plopped down right next to him. "Already?"

"I started just after you sent me the message, Toms, I'm not that stupid," he muttered, passing his adoptive brother the joint that he'd rolled for him.

"Thanks," he mumbled, putting it in between his lips and lighting it, a usual action for the two. Tubbo did note that this was the first time that he'd done this in Snowchester, he wondered briefly if he should write that down. He chuckled to himself silently, before asking Tommy for the blonde's lighter in a silent hand movement. 

He breathed in, and out again, a therapeutic thing for Tubbo and Tommy only. It felt like breathing in your sins, your traumas, anything bad associated with you, and letting it out again. Smoke turned into complete nothingness, and so did your thoughts, for that one, small, second.

"... Schlatt was my dad, huh," Tubbo said, and Tommy almost coughed while breathing in, in shock, the brunette knew.

"Wh-what?"

"Yeah, you didn't notice? I mean, come on, the eyes, cheekbones,"

"Why did he have Techno kill you then?" Tommy was the only one who dared to be that blunt - and Tubbo liked it in a sense. He prefered it when someone was up-front with a topic instead of sugar-coating it. 

He raised a brow to Tommy, "Says the one who's dad legit stabbed his brother,"

"That doesn't count," the blonde replied, laughing loud enough to wake the two residences asleep in the small collective.

"Yes it does!" Tubbo yelled out, copying Tommy in his laughter, "Hey, I wonder if Ghostbur comes up if you say his name three times,"

"He isn't fuckin' bloody mary,"

"Is he... the... beetle guy? Juice? JuiceBeetle?"

"Oh, now I know that you're saying that to piss me off," 

Tubbo snorted slightly, "Yeah, yeah,"

Silence carried out between them as he stared at the sky. "Anyway, counter?" The counter system is one they'd put in place long before L'manburg was made, something they'd made as kids. A way to check-in if they'd harmed themselves without out-right saying it. It wasn't that they didn't want to say it, it was that they didn't want others to know. So far, no one did, and they intended on keeping it that way.

"Broke it earlier," Tommy said, joint to his lips and smoke in its place before he continued, "You?"

"Yesterday," Tubbo sighed, "Got there before you, big man,"

"Oh no, I'm so owned that you fuckin-" he let in a sharp breath when he saw Jack Manifold walking up to them. "Oh. Fuck."

"Hey Jack!" Tubbo called, "Wanna join?"

"What- Tubbo- are _you_ getting _high_ at _three am_?" with the way that he said it, Tubbo wondered if he cared more that it was three am, or that he was getting high.

"Yeah," Tubbo said, taking as deep a breath as possible before standing up, and blowing it out in the older's face, "Wanna join?"

"Fuck- no? Why would I want to fucking join you? Put that out!"

"I'm not wasting weed like that, big man," he sat back down, "Neither is Toms, right Toms?"

"Right," he said, repeating the action that the two had been doing consistently the entire evening, breathing in smoke and letting it out, as if to make a statement. 

"You know this is bad, right?"

The younger two looked between each other, before bursting out into laughter.

"Wh- Jack, come on, seriously? Oh, so nukes aren't bad, but smoking a bit of weed is? Are you sure that you're not the one on drugs?" Tubbo questioned, "I mean, sure, no comment on the fucking wars, none on, that fucker, uh..."

"Schlatt?"

"Yeah, Schlatt, nothing about that, no point you've been worried, but you find us smoking weed, and that's what gets you?" Tubbo shook his head, a smile on his face, "That's just hysterical,"

"Absolutely humorous,"

"The funniest shit I've ever seen!"

"Like he turned himself into a pickle," Tommy said, deadpan, which caused the younger two to break out into laughter once more.

"This shit is harmful, Tubbo, you can't be serious,"

"S'not as bad as crack,"

"Wish we still had that, though," Tubbo muttered, and Tommy nodded to him in agreement. 

"Doesn't mean it's not bad,"

"Jack, Jack, sit down, join us," Tubbo said, "I'll roll for you,"

"Fuck no,"

"Suit yourself," Tommy said, "If you're gonna keep getting on our ass for it, though, might as well fuck off,"

"What he said," Tubbo said, taking a long drag in. Jack had a look of pure bewilderment on his face, before he turned and wandered off. Not in the way of his house, though, and that confused Tubbo. He didn't think it anything worth of note, though, so he didn't say anything.

"...JuiceBeetle? Really?"

"Okay but no, what if Ghostbur did work like that though,"

"Ghostbur does not-"

"Hey Tommy!" a cheerful voice came, that caused the teens to yell out swears of fear.


	2. Ranboo? Ranboob? Boob boy? Boobs?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo comes to Snowchester to hang out with Tubbo, and to check up on him, of course. He's happy to see that Tommy's there, but is certainly shocked whent they ask him if he wants to get high.
> 
> His shock doesn't mean that he turns them down, though.

Tommy woke up in Tubbo's house, not in the same bed as his brother, he only did that if he was having nightmares. Insomnia wasn't cause for him to sleep in the same bed as someone, not to Tommy, at least. He had been in a bed that Tubbo had coloured red for him, Tubbo's green one across the room, void of the older teen that Tommy had expected to see. He sighed as he pushed himself up and out of the gifted bed. It had been more comfortable than Tommy's own somehow, not that he was complaining.

When he noticed that Tubbo wasn't on the first floor of his home, he raised a brow, concern snaking up under his skin. He checked the basement, not Tubbo to be seen there, either.

He opened the front door to see him sat there, glaring out at a grey morning sky. How long had the two slept?

"Hey Tubso,"

"Toms," the shorter muttered, "Sleepwell?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Better than I was," he said, "Jack's worried about me,"

"Because he saw you getting high?" he sat down next to the brunette.

"Yeah. I don't get it, it's not like it's... well, I guess it is weird for him - but it's not like we're burning shit,"

"We could,"

"... We could, yeah, but we're not," Tubbo sighed, "I don't want to worry people,"

Tommy paused for a moment before wrapping his arm around Tubbo's shoulders, something that he knew the shorter didn't mind as he relaxed into Tommy's side. That was something they both felt, it was something they'd had endless conversations about since they started smoking together, it was something that they wanted to keep secret. Apparently, sleep-deprivation and being high was enough to make them forget about that fact.   
Wilbur had been the only one to know about their smoking because he taught them how to roll a joint, he taught them how to hit a bong if they had access to one. He taught them that edibles were much more effective than you'd ever think them to be. 

"What if we like, asked Ranboo if he knew a place we could hide it all 'n shit," Tommy joked.

"God no," Tubbo smiled, "What would he even be like high? D'ya think it'd make him even more anxious?"

"Maybe he'd be like us and actually chill out for once," Tubbo let out a laugh.

"I don't think it's even possible for Ran-fucking-boo to 'Chill Out' Tommy,"

"Me neither, that's where the weed comes in," and his words were cut off by his own laughter mixing into Tubbo's.

"Man... I don't- I don't even know where he lives," Tubbo admitted, pain evident in his voice. It was no secret that Tuboo liked to be liked, he liked to be trusted, no matter how hard it was for him to trust others. Tommy had learned from experience.

"I do," he said, and Tubbo perked up ever-so-slightly, "I don't know if I should tell you, though,"

"Why?"

"Not really my place, you know?"

Tubbo sighed disappointment out into cold morning air. "Yeah, yeah, I get it... I just don't get why it's a big deal,"

"I know you don't," Tommy sighed again, wishing that his brother/best-friend could understand. "... What if we get him high though," Tubbo snorted, "No, seriously, we should,"

"That is a... shit idea,"

"Shit enough to be good?"

"No, just shit," 

"When have we ever had a good idea, though?" Tommy questioned, and Tubbo chuckled a little. Silence filled the air, and the blonde wanted so desperately to fill it, silences reminded him too much of times where he was being hunted like he were nothing but prey. 

"Why not," Tubbo said, not a question, but a statement. 

Tommy stopped himself from letting a full-fledged yell of victory escape his chest, instead saying a whisper-coated shout of "Fuck yeah!".

  
It was the afternoon when Ranboo finally came by. Tommy had wondered if the ender-man hybrid was actually going to show his face, but Tubbo assured him that Ranboo visited Snowchester every day once Tommy's complaining became too much.

"Ranboo!" Tommy called out, "How are you, big man?"

"Oh, hey Tommy! I'm uh... I'm good, I guess, you alright? Where's Tubbo?"

"Tubbo's in his house, he told me to keep 'on lookout' for you or some shit," he let in a shaky breath, "And uh... yeah, could be better," he said, turning to walk towards the house that the shortest had made himself.

"Oh no, what's wrong?" Ranboo asked, brows curved to show that he was worried.

"Ah, you know, just trauma shit,"

"Oh... sorry,"

"What're you sorry for, s'not like you caused any of it," he pushed Tubbo's door open, walking over to the ladder, knowing that he was downstairs and working with the villagers. "If anything, Dream should be fuckin' sorry,"

"Yeah, yeah, I know I just... wish I could've done more,"

"It's fine Ran-boob," he said, shit-eating grin slapped across his face as he said the nickname, knowing that the half-enderman did not appreciate it. 

"Don't- don't call me that,"

"Okay boob boy,"

"That is not any better," he said, chuckling a little, following after Tommy as he climbed down the ladder.

"Ranboo!" Tubbo called out, excitement incredibly clear as he smiled brightly, "It's been ages since I last saw you, how are you? Have you gotten any smaller yet?"

Ranboo laughed ever-so-slightly, "I saw you yesterday Tubbo, and no, I'm not any smaller - that's not even possible,"

"Yeah, just because you're small doesn't mean that we're not gonna shrink for you Tubbo," Tommy teased.

"I have blackmail on you, you know, I will use it,"

Tommy laughed, the concept in itself being amusing as all hell to him. "Sure you will,"

"Ranboo did you know that Tommy doesn't like to sleep without-"

"TUBBO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" the taller shrieked, causing the other two in the room to laugh. "It's not funny," he mumbled, almost folding in on himself.

"If you say so, big guy,"

"Yeah, I'm bigger than you, shorty,"

"Oooohhh, you got him!" Ranboo said, still laughing. It wasn't long until he calmed down, wiping his face dramatically, "Sorry, sorry, I don't know why I found that so funny,"

"It's cool, 'Boo," Tubbo said, smile still there and not leaving, "How are you, though, you never answered,"

They both noticed how Ranboo's breath faltered at the question, they just didn't say anything about it. "Uh.. not, not great, to be honest,"

"Hm," Tubbo said, looking to Tommy, expecting him to fill in the blank. 

The blonde simply shrugged, before doing exactly what the shorter wanted him to do. "Wanna get high?"

"Wh-what?" the half-enderman said, shock clear in his voice, "I-I.... what?"

"It's a pretty simple question," Tubbo said, "You don't have to, we just think it might help,"

Tommy could practically see the cogs turning in Ranboo's mind. A series of questions he could practically hear within his own mind, consisting of " _Getting high? Weed? They smoke? Tommy smokes? Tubbo smokes?_ " or... something like that. Those were the questions he had about Wilbur when the he'd had suggest that they smoke the first time. 

"Again," Tommy said, breaking the silence that had hung in the air, "You don't have to,"

Quiet spread out between the three again. Ranboo took in a shaky breath, "I-I wouldn't know what I'd be doing,"

"That's okay! We can show you," Tubbo said, the cheerful facade staying up still. Tubbo liked to do that, make everyone think that he was happy and okay, Tommy wondered if that was why Manifold had been so surprised the night before. Despite all Tommy and Tubbo has been through, they didn't really show it much.

"...I mean..." Ranboo muttered, just barely audible, "Uh... I guess?"

"You sure?" Tommy asked, "We don't want you to do anything that you wouldn't be comfortable with,"

"No, no, I'm fine with it, I just don't know what to really.... do,"

"Oh, that's fine," Tubbo said, "Let's go up to my room, that's where I keep everything," Tommy got the distinct impression that, if Tubbo were typing, he would've added a smiley face at the end of his words. He wondered how Ranboo would react to the side of Tubbo that came out when he smoked, when he didn't care about seeming friendly, or happy.

  
Tubbo searched under his bed, finding the box he stored everything in. "Sure you've got enough, big man?"

"Tommy, I grow it," Tubbo replied, facade already slipping, "If I don't, I could just get more,"

"I know, I know," he replied, "Just checking,"

Tubbo sighed, sitting on his bed, opening the box, beginning to use what was inside. "Uh- Ranboo, you're gonna share one with one of us, okay? I don't think you're ready for a whole joint for yourself,"

"Okay, yeah, I'm probably not," an awkward laugh came out from him at the end of his sentence.

"You sure you're okay with this?" Tommy asked, eyebrows curving in concern. 

"Yeah, just anxious,"

"When are you not?" Tubbo muttered, causing Tommy to snicker a little. 

"True, true," he admitted. Tommy sat next to his friend, reaching behind him and grabbing one of the pillows he slept on. He threw it towards Ranboo.

"Sit down," he said, watching as the tallest sat on the floor, the pillow beneath him. Tubbo passed him the blunt that he'd rolled, "Should I share?"

"Do you want to?"

Tommy laughed slightly, "No, but do you?"

"I'd be okay with it if you really don't want to," Tubbo replied, starting on the second one already. Tommy shrugged.

"Counter?"

"This morning," Tubbo grumbled, and Tommy nodded.

"I'll share, then," The blonde knew that Tubbo wanted to object, but he wouldn't let him. It'd probably end up that they'd share both of the blunts between the three anyway, and the brunette knew that.

"What... what do you mean 'counter'?" Ranboo asked, his head cocked to the side, breaking Tommy out of his short train of thought. 

"Should we tell him, Toms?" Tubbo asked, licking the edge of thin paper, before using it to stick it to itself. "Or d'ya think it'd freak him out?"

"He knows about this much, I don't know how much harm it could do,"

"Okay, so, Ranboo," Tubbo began, looking at Tommy as he lit his joint, "When I and Tommy were kids, we figured out that hey! We both self-harm, right? So we made a system, we'd legit just say 'counter' to each other to figure out the last time we'd done it, lighter?"

Tommy passed Tubbo the lighter, and Ranboo looked worried. There was something else, however, bubbling beneath his eyes. "Uh... can... can I be in, on that?" he asked, and he got his own set of concerned glances, only before Tubbo sighed out a puff of smoke.

"Counter?" he drawled, raising his brow to Ranboo.

"This morning," he mumbled, reaching for his sleave and bringing it up slightly. They could see the beginnings of burn marks, "I-I uh... water," he mumbled out, looking like it was something to be ashamed of. 

Tommy opened his mouth to speak, trying to find words in his mind that his own older siblings had given him. "... It's not... you shouldn't be ashamed by it. I mean, it's not something to be proud of, but you don't have to hate yourself for it,"

"Yeah! Definitely not around us," Tubbo said, "I mean, we've had this system long before L'manburg, Ranboo, we're just..." Tubbo looked like he was deep in thought for a moment, "Next time you feel like that, come here, we'll try to distract you,"

Ranboo didn't say anthing at that, looking smaller than he had any right to. He wiped away tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes, opening his mouth a few times to speak, before finally settling on "Can I, uh... can I try it? Now?" to be his words of choice.

"Okay big man," Tommy handed him the joint he'd been holding, "Make sure to actually breathe it in, like, let it into your lungs, it'll feel a bit weird but you'll get used to it,"

"If you've got to cough or anything, just do it," Tubbo said, "Don't worry about being embarrassed, you should've seen me when I first smoked,"

"He almost cried, not because it hurt or anything, he just did," Tommy said, snickering, "He- he turned to Wilbur and just said 'It's so cloudy!'" he mocked, Tubbo swatted him playfully just under his shoulder. 

"W-Wilbur was there?"

"Oh, yeah," Tubbo began, "He taught us how to roll, Tommy needs more practice though,"

"Oh..." Ranboo muttered, staring at the joint that he held between his fingers. "Should I just... go... for... it?" he questioned.

"Sure," Tubbo shrugged, "You don't have to go right away, take your time if you need to," before the brunette could continue, Ranboo quickly pressed it to his lips, breathing in slowly. 

Tommy looked to Tubbo, raising his brow, the two boys sharing the expression that read, ' _huh, he really just went for it like that_ '. They looked back to Ranboo in time to see him take it away, coughing.

"You okay big man?" Tommy asked, watching him wearily. 

"Y-yeah, yeah, just... it's- it's a lot," he said, eyes watering slightly. 

"It'll feel like that, give it a sec and try again," Tubbo, said, handing Tommy the joint that was supposed to belong to the shortest only. Tommy didn't question it, simply taking drag in. 

Ranboo did exactly what Tubbo said, giving it a moment before trying again. This time he didn't cough, simply letting ta cloud come out from between his lips. 

"Ay, you did it big man!" Tommy congratulated, "Good job," Ranboo didn't say anything, passing Tommy the blunt, who then passed it to Tubbo. 

"How'd you feel?" Tubbo asked, Ranboo furrowed his brow in thought.

"Like... I don't know, I still feel like I'm... me? You know? But it's just... airy? Like..."

"You're still there but your thoughts aren't?" Tommy said, Ranboo nodded.

"Exactly,"

"It's nice, isn't it?" Tubbo asked, and Ranboo faltered for a moment, before nodding. 

"You know, last night Jack Manifold saw us doing this," Tommy said, laughing slightly, "He was so worried- like, come on, out of everything to be worried about, this?"

"Man- yeah, that's... seriously? Does he not remember what L'manburg was made on?" Ranboo asked, "Like... he can't be that surprised,"

"Maybe he didn't think that the dealers were taking their own product," Tubbo shrugged, watching smoke dance around in the room as Tommy took a hit. "Or that kids were,"

"Well, let's be honest here," Tommy gave Ranboo what he'd been holding, "We're not exactly kids anymore," those words hit him harder than he'd expected them to.

"Yeah," Ranboo muttered, "I mean, between us we've got uh- traumatized from manipulation, traumatized from manipulation, and voices in head," he said, laughing slightly, "Wait, I didn't tell you about that, huh?"

"Techno hears voices in his head, try growing up with that," Tommy shrugged, "M'not bothered,"

"Yeah, the amount of times he'd just randomly yell at them, it became expected at some point," Tubbo began laughing before he said, "Toms, do-do you remember," his speech was broken up by his laughter, "'Stop saying E!'" Tommy instantly broke into his own fit of giggling, and even though Ranboo was out of the loop, he ended up laughing with them. 

"He what?"

"Yeah man," Tommy said, "Nearly every time he hung out with is it'd be like... 'stop calling me Technobro' or something,"

"When did he become such a dick," Tubbo said, causing more laughter, "Nah, though, I'm serious - he used to be so cool, you know?"

"Maybe it was when he killed you," Tommy suggested, smile on his face only a reflection on how much he wanted to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, that'd do it," Tubbo said, only seconds later bursting out into a fit of hilarity, causing the other two to do so once more.

"I feel bad for laughing," Ranboo said after a minute, "I wasn't even there to see it,"

"It's fine, big man, you're one of my best friends, you can laugh,"

"Yeah, welcome to the... best-friend-fucked-up-shit," Tommy commented, "We should make another name,"

"How about just straight up Gen-Z?" Ranboo said, "We're all traumatized and doing harmful stuff,"

"I like your words funny man," Tubbo replied, "The Trinity of Trauma: Gen-Z,"

"Woah, such a magical name," Ranboo smiled, wider than was possible for the other two, "Tagline: No we _totally_ don't listen to slowed-down songs at three am,"

"Or-or," Tommy began, "We may have parental issues, but we'll still kick your ass,"

"That is ten-times better," Ranboo praised, "You're so smart,"

"I know, I know, bask in my glory," Tommy laughed, once again, beginning a chain reaction between the three.

Tommy and Tubbo hadn't really had a family, not since they moved out with Wilbur, and while Tommy wasn't sure about Tubbo, he certainly felt that they found one in the 'Trinity of Trauma'. He loved the other two boys like they were his brothers, and he felt like they loved him like he was their brother aswell. It was... almost strange to him to have the feeling go both ways, but he didn't dislike it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ADDED THIS TO THE WRONG FIC AT FIRST FUCKING ASDHSAHDASOLKDJAS H EL P
> 
> I'm sorry that this is mostly them talking but at the same time it's them so can you complain?


	3. SNOW!! SNOW ! ! EVERYWHERE ! !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo goes back to Techno's cabin and talks to the two there.

Ranboo had slept well for the first time in months, in a shared bed with Tommy and Tubbo. It turned out that he wasn't the only one out of the three to have nightmares, and when one of the Trauma Three had nightmares, they'd share a bed to bring comfort to whoever had their mind "throwing shit at them" - a quote from Tommy.

The enderman wasn't complaining, the hugs were very much appreciated, and they'd somehow managed all to fit on the same bed. The issue was, however, that he was the only one to be awake while Tommy any Tubbo were keeping him stuck in between them. He was comfortable, sure, but he knew that he needed to get back to Phil and Techno before they started to question anything. 

Still, something other than his anxiety kept him from waking the other two. He was... happy, to be where he was. Ranboo didn't know what it felt like to have a family, part of him felt that he'd forgotten, but he thought that this was close. He wanted so badly to write in his memory book at that moment, but still, his arms were stuck underneath his two friends. 

Maybe that was another negative to this, his arms had definitely gone dead. He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut before letting them spring open again, staring at the ceiling. This wasn't exactly out of character for Ranboo, he usually did say in his bed longer than was needed, but for once he did want to stand up and walk and write about his newly found family, but he couldn't, because said family were keeping him in bed. 

He knew that he was repeating himself, going around the same circle in his mind, but it was bothering him, okay?

That's when Tubbo shifted slightly, eyes slowly opening. "Hey 'Boo, how'd you sleep?"

"My arms are dead,"

"... That doesn't - Do you want to get up?"

"Yes," Ranboo sighed out. Tubbo chuckled before sitting up, letting one of Ranboo's arms free. The enderman hybrid used said arm to get his other out from under Tommy, who apparently slept like a rock with how his reaction had been none whatsoever. "Thank you,"

"You could've woken me up if you wanted, I wouldn't have minded,"

Ranboo shrugged slightly, "You need sleep more than I needed to get up," he replied. Tubbo didn't seem to have any response to that, instead shifting so he could stand. Ranboo followed suit, but where Tubbo stretched and yawned, Ranboo walked over to his suit jacket - the one he'd left on the back of a chair the night before. He reached into his pocket and dragged out a book and quill, his memory book. 

Ranboo flicked it open to a blank page, "What're you writing about memory boy?" Tubbo asked, getting onto his tip-toes despite not really needing to. The taller held the leather-bound book above his head, smiling a little when Tubbo blew a raspberry at him.

"You're not allowed to know,"

"Can I guess?" at Ranboo's lack of response, Tubbo's face turned contemplated, "Is it about... dugs?" he guessed, a giggle underlining his words. "Is it about Tommy?" and then a gasp sounded, "Is it about me?"

"Yes, actually," Ranboo said, "Or it would be if you'd let me write,"

Tubbo let out a large and dramatic sigh, "Fine, fine," he rolled his eyes, "I'll leave you be, I need to check up on Jack anyway,"

"Yeah, you do that," Ranboo said, smile on his face breaking Tubbo's act of annoyance. Tubbo patted him on the back, a miss-aimed attempt to reach his shoulder, before turning to go down the ladder. "Should I wake Tommy up?"

"Nah, leave him, he always sleeps in," he said, hand on one of the ladder rungs, "If he sleeps," was muttered, and Tubbo was climbing down.

Ranboo sighed slightly. He'd always worried about these two, but now it was much more of a... mutual thing, he supposed.

He sat on the ground, copying what he's done the day prior, he held his quill over paper. It didn't take long for words to start flowing from his mind and into the world in the form of dark ink. Despite what he'd write about a lot of the time, Ranboo still enjoyed this part of his life. Documentation. 

'I spent the night in Snowchester with Tommy and Tubbo. I've learned a lot about them, they smoke, and I do too now. It's fun, and it helps with... things.'

Despite knowing full well that he meant the voice, he wrote that and moved on. It felt wrong to address it directly, it felt like he'd be admitting to it, and for some odd reason, he didn't want to. He sighed, being taken from his thoughts from a soft snore sounding from Tommy, and continued to scribble down what had happened.

'Wilbur taught them what they're teaching me now. I wonder if he smoked for the same reasons that they do? Doesn't really matter though, I don't think Ghostbur smokes, or even can for that matter.'

He bit his lip slightly, being wary not to break the skin, before starting a new paragraph.

'I feel like we're family. Not really your most conventional one, but still. Like those types of families forged on a battlefield, you know there's no point in lying to them because they already know a lot of what you've been through. You know them inside and out, it's like I've grown up with them when I haven't. Or, well, I have, just in a way that we shouldn't have had to grow. War... war is no place for a child.'

He finished off his writings, snapping his book shut and putting it back in his blazer pocket. He stood up, starting to put it on. It was hard to do so without knocking the book out of his pocket again, and he wondered why he didn't simply wait to put it in his pocket, but that didn't change the fact that he hadn't. 

  
He left the cabin, seeing Tuboo talking to Jack Manifold, laughing at someone that he'd said. The older man seemed concerned. 

"Ranboo- did you get high with these two last night?"

"Uh..." Ranboo was half tempted to walk away without answering, "...No?"

"For fucks sake," he muttered, rubbing the side of his head in between his fingers. "It's not- you know it's not healthy, right?"

"Well, war sure as hell isn't either!" he chirped, swinging his arm out in front of him, making a thumbs up with his hand. Tubbo started to laugh, "I'm sorry Mr. Manifold, but I've got to get home,"

"Aww, you're leaving?" Tubbo asked, "Please stay longer, please,"

"I can't, Tubbo, people are waiting for me,"

"Ugh, fine," he dramatically rolled his eyes, another act mirroring the one he had on this morning. Ranboo turned to walk away, planing on doing just that when Tubbo called out "Wait!" which stopped him in his tracks.

"Yeah?" he turned around once again, Tubbo had walked up to him.

Arms were thrown around Ranboo's lower-chest, due to the height difference. "Don't tell anyone else about the whole smoking thing, okay?" Tubbo muttered, "I only just convinced Jack not to tell,".

"I'll try,"

"Thanks," Tubbo said, smiling, a much more genuine one compared to what Ranboo had seen in the past. "See ya big man," he detached his arms, patting him on the back again before walking over to Jack once more. 

"See you!" he called in return, finally starting his journey home from Snowchester.

"...Ranboo!" Philza called, "There you are, we were starting to get worried mate,"

"I was in Snowchester, with Tubbo," he said, knowing that the question was going to come. "I'm okay,"

"That's good..." The blonde wore a confused expression, before walking up to him further. "Did..." he sighed, "Ranboo, did you get high?"

"Uh... how can you... how can you tell?"

"Wilbur used to smoke, I know the smell," he said, Ranboo nodded. Well, that made sense. "I didn't know you knew how,"

"I didn't," he answered honestly, then beginning to curse himself with the admission. He was going against what Tubbo had asked of him once again.

"Oh? Who showed you?" 

"I'm... not allowed to say,"

"It was Tommy, wasn't it?" Phil said, sighing, "That boy's nothing but trouble,"

"That's... No, I don't think that's true," Ranboo cocked his head to the side with a slight cringe. "I-I mean, the worse he's done is... well, what he did to George's house, and I did that too, you know..."

Phil only hummed in response, as though he didn't actually consider Ranboo's words at all. "Did he show you or not?"

"No," it was only a half-lie, in all technicality it had been Tommy and Tubbo, not just Tommy on his own. 

"Are you lying to me?"

"What? Why would I do that?"

"Ranboo, all I want to know is who showed you how to smoke,"

"Why does that matter?" he replied.

The older paused, letting out a lengthy sigh, before turning away from him. "You're gonna want to change, Techno doesn't like the smell, never has,"

"O-okay," Ranboo said, walking over to his small shack. 

Well, that had happened. 

Phil had always been kind to him, almost parental, and Ranboo had the sneaking suspicion that he had just seen a glance of how the older acted towards Tommy and Tubbo. Part of him wanted to chase after the elder and tell him exactly what he'd done wrong towards the other two, and the protective side of him was tempting him heavily to do so. The other, much more rational side that seemed so unfair at that moment, told him that if he did so he might get evicted, and this was one place that he'd truly felt at home in a long while. 

He sighed and pulled out his communicator.  
"Phil knows that I got high, blamed Tommy" he sent off to Tubbo.  
"Okay, Ill let him know, thanks for saying :) you okay?"  
Ranboo paused. Was he, in all honesty, okay? He wasn't sure, he didn't know if he would be in a while.  
"Better after yesterday... just wondering, when will we be able to do that again?"  
"Anytime you want big man, wood say now but Tommy said that youre a long way a way so yeh,"  
He hit himself right in the centre of his forehead, only just remembering that he hadn't told Tubbo where he lived, nor had he said who he lived with.  
"Uh... yeah, I might live with Phil and Techno," he replied, feeling his heart speed up faster than he thought possible. What if Tuboo hated him for it, what if he wanted to kill him for it, what if-  
"Thats why you dident tell me?? I dont care lmao good for you :) Do be wary a round them tho, thares a reason me and Toms don't like them any more,"  
"I thought you would've hated me,"  
"Ranboo youre my brother now why would I hate you?? you fucking nutter," he began to laugh away his anxiety, smiling at the small screen.  
"I'm gonna go now, thanks Tubbo,"  
"No problem big man :),"

Ranboo looked around the area. That small conversation with Tubbo, even if not in person, was definitely needed. He then got to work on changing, remembering what Philza had told him. He didn't want to make his hosts feel uncomfortable, even if he didn't understand why.

Turns out he only had one blazer, but he did have spares of the rest of his clothes, so he grabbed onto his memory book, putting it in his clean pants pocket before hanging his blazer up above his bed. He hoped that would remind him to clean it. That was the thing with memory issues, you didn't tend to remember most things.

He sat on his bed, sighing. He wasn't exactly sure what to do now, there wasn't much to do. That was when a knock pulled him to attention, his head snapping up to his door as it was slowly pushed open. "...Hello?"

"Techno! Hi!" he said, words showing his surprise. "What d'ya need?"

"Uh... I don't really know how to say it... politely," he muttered, fiddling with his sleeves, closing the door behind him with his foot. "I don't care if you get high, just don't... do it here,"

"Oh! I-I wasn't even planning on it,"

"That's good," Techno replied. Silence hung over them, it stretched far too long for Ranboo to be comfortable in it, and he wondered if he should speak, fill it the same way that Tommy did. "... Uh..." Techno looked from his sleeves to the space behind Ranboo, his way of making eye-contact. Neither of them really liked it much, "I don't like it because Wilbur used to do it when we were kids when he would. Uh... have you seen, any of the scars on Ghostbur?"

"... Oh," Ranboo said, sighing out, knowing what Techno had meant. That meant that Tommy and Tubbo weren't the only ones in that family that self-harmed. He was starting to see where they got it from.

"Yeah, if..." he took a deep breath in, "If you feel like you need to do that, just uh... talk to me if I'm in,"

"Okay," he smiled. He smiled wider than he knew possible, and he did note Techno's lips quirking up at the edges. Silence filled the space between them again, and Ranboo still wondered if he should stop it.

That was when Techno let out a small shout of, "Not this again! I'm not- I'm not... his brother..." he practically whispered the last part as Ranboo begun to laugh. "Wh-what?"

"It's just that- when Tubbo and Tommy told me you did that, I didn't think that I'd witness it,"

Techno smiled softly, before it quickly fell. "Are they okay?" the words had much more of an urgency that Ranboo expected. He'd realised something, hadn't he? Techno had been able to connect dots that Phil hadn't.

"They're... coping," Ranboo settled on. 

"I would ask more questions but I don't think that you'd answer,"

"All I'm going to say is that they wouldn't want me to,"

"Yeah, that's... that's fair," he sighed out, "Should I accept Tommy's apology?"

"I think if you're asking me that, then you already know the answer,"

Silence; one that, this time, wouldn't be filled. Techno nodded, opening the small door and closing it behind him once he'd left. Or, well, trying to. He had to kick some snow out of the way for it to actually work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technobro? Techbroblade? Bro? brother? yes !  
> {warning: this is not cannon. I am sorry} /j /lh
> 
> I think this is the longest chapter, that's pog :)


	4. Sadness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Trinity of Trauma do what is slowly becoming a common practice between the three, getting high. They then decide to go for a walk, and run into Jack Manifold and Niki. 
> 
> They convince Tommy to join them. This is where things turn for the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY THIS IS A STRAIGHT UP WARNING FOR REFRENCES OF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS/SELF HARM/ATTEMPTED MURDER BC UH. SADNESS IS HERE HI ANGST BRAIN POPPED OFF I'M SO SORRY

Tommy took a deep breath in, taking a glance at Tubbo once he took the joint away from his mouth. "Stop staring,"

"I'm worried,"

"Why?"

Tubbo gave him a pointed glare, one that read 'You know why, dumbass'. Sure, Tommy did know why, but he didn't have to be rude about it. "Because your dickhead of a dad is this close," the brunette pushed his pointer finger and thumb together so hard that the skin turned yellow. "To finding out that you smoke,"

Tommy didn't respond, instead taking another drag of a blunt. "Tommy, come on man, talk to me,"

"There's not much to talk about, I mean, it's not like he's gonna kill me,"

"Yeah but he's disappointed in you," Tommy tilted his head to the side, then nodded.

"He always is," Tubbo took the joint from his fingers, "Bitch,"

"Just because he's disappointed in you normally, doesn't mean that this isn't different. Plus, if he finds out you smoke, he'll inevitably be able to realise that I do,"

"It'll take him longer to figure out,"

Neither had heard Ranboo knocking on the front door to Tubbo's cabin, but they did pick up on the sounds of someone climbing up a ladder. "Hi," he gasped out, "I-I hate this thing," he kicked at one of the rungs once he had gotten onto the wooden floor.

Tubbo laughed, standing from his bed and walking over to Ranboo only to hug him. The taller didn't have any complaints about this, only gasping slightly in shock. "Hey big man, want me to roll for you?"

"I-I need it, in all honesty," the ender-hybrid let out a small chuckle, patting Tubbo on his back when he pulled away. "I- uh... I think I fucked up,"

"What happened?" Tommy asked, swaying to the side slightly as Tubbo sat next to him once more, passing him back the joint that the blonde had been smoking.

"Uh... yeah, so Techno might have figured it out,"

"You fucking what?" Tommy replied, regretting how aggressive his tone was when Ranboo flinched. "Sorry, sorry, just... what?"

"Well, Phil told him that I smelled like weed, so he came to talk to me, right?" Tommy nodded, that could be expected. "He said that it was fine and all as long as I didn't smoke around him, or at the cabin, so that's... fine, but uh... I mentioned that I was with you two, and he asked if you were okay, and that was after he told me that Wilbur used to cut and-"

"Ranboo, breathe," Tubbo said, lighting the joint that he'd rolled for the enderman hybrid. "We don't blame you," he handed it to him, "Techno's just smart, hell, I didn't even know that he knew about Wilbur's shit,"

Ranboo didn't seem to notice that he hadn't breathed properly, trying his best to do so before taking a breath of the blunt. "Techno's smart," Tommy commented, "But it's easy to hide things from him when he doesn't want to believe that they're true. When I was staying with him he legit found one of my blades and just assumed that the blood on it was a chicken's or something,"

"... He's gotta feel so guilty right now," Tubbo said, and Ranboo nodded.

"He does, I overheard him talking to himself earlier," his fingers tapped against the ground, soft thumps coming from worn wood. "He's thinking of... accepting your apology, Tommy,"

"Oh,"

"Holy shit, what?" Tubbo laughed slightly, "That's impossible, how?"

"I'm pretty sure he just thought he was, you know, being self-centred when he's just depressed,"

"Yeah, that adds up," Tubbo nodded. Tommy simply laughed, ruffling Tubbo's hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just... worried about you two, is all, I know that you didn't want anyone to know,"

"Kinda feels like everyone's figuring it out," Tommy replied, Tubbo and Ranboo noded. "But yeah, if anything you just gave us good news, and that's pogchamp,"

Ranboo smiled his usual too-large smile and took a drag of his blunt. "How's the hotel going?" he asked, and conversation slowly dipped into one about said hotel.

It was going okay, Tommy had tasks to do most days, and he pretended to be angry about them when he wasn't. It was always the same shtick, Sam acting as though he was an NPC of sorts, and Tommy yelling at him about it. 

Then they began talking about Sam, their speech being mixed in with laughter slowly, giggles becoming more frequent as they discussed the fact that they creeper-hybrid seemed to care about them. If they weren't high, they wouldn't be laughing, but they were and the idea that an adult would, or could, care about them was insane; it was laughable.

  
Tommy didn't usually wear a coat in Snowchester, he prefered to feel the cold bite at his skin as he strolled around. This was true for most snow biomes, now that he thought about it. He never really wanted to let himself be comfortable. This time, however, with Tubbo and Ranboo bugging him about it, he was wearing a spare coat. It was... honestly nice. Not only was it nice to not be freezing his balls off, but it was nice to have others care, and not only that, it was nice to have them care enough to do something about it. 

The three had decided to go for a walk, although by doing so, they were making it rather obvious that they were stoned. Tommy and Tubbo were good at hiding it, but Ranboo wasn't, and being around someone who wasn't good at hiding it made you, in turn, bad at hiding it. The math added up, or at least, it did in Tommy's high mind.

None of them had exactly noticed Jack and Niki walking over to where they were, but when Niki said a small "Hey," Tommy was certain that he didn't want her to know that he was high. 

"Hi, Niki!" he said, tone displaying that he was doing something that he didn't want her to know about. Again, the math adds up. "You- you okay?" 

"Niki! What're you doing in Snowchester?" Tubbo asked, and Tommy could practically see the older building his facade up brick by brick. It was impressive. Ranboo decided not to speak, which was probably a good thing.

"Hi Tubbo! Jack and I were just on a walk - oh, and I'm good Tommy," she smiled, "You?"

"Meh, guess you could say that,"

"Oh no, what's wrong?"

There were many responses that Tommy could say, all of them flashing through his mind, and all of them funnier than the last to him. Of course, that's when Ranboo decided to finally speak, "Let's change the subject," making his brothers laugh. 

"Oh- uh..." 

Jack looked like he was done with their shit, which in all fairness, he probably was. "Okay! Uh, what're you three doing out?"

"We're just... walkin'," Tubbo said.

"We're all walking? it's like we have legs! Woah!" Ranboo said, being the funniest man alive, and causing Tommy and Tubbo to laugh again, "Personally, I don't have legs, I simply hover,"

"Maybe then you'll finally be short!" Tubbo said, and Ranboo shook his head.

"No, No, you obviously don't know the tricks of the trade if you think I'm going to be shorter via hovering,"

"Yeah, Tubbo, maybe you should learn to hover so that you're not tiny,"

"Nah, he'd just shrink," Ranboo said, and Tommy could see Tubbo's urge to punch the half enderman.

"Just because you two are tall-ass monstrosities-"

"Woah, Woah! That's too far,"

"Yeah man," Ranboo pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. The red one. He has two different coloured eyes. Usually, it didn't bother Tommy, he wondered why it stood out to him at that moment.

Oh yeah, he was high.

"Shut up, weather boy," Tubbo replied, the conversation then going quiet. It seemed that they'd forgotten about Jack and Niki, which... yeah, adds up. They had.

"Well... uh..." Niki was obviously trying to figure out how to talk correctly after... whatever that was, "Tommy! Do you want to join us?"

"Why just Toms?"

"We want to talk to him about something," Jack said, hand landing on Niki's shoulder, "It's personal,"

"... Okay?" Tommy replied, "I'll be back guys," those words directed towards Ranboo and Tubbo, who had worried looks on their faces. 

"Aw, alright Toms," Tubbo said, "Message us if ya' need us," he said, referencing their communicators. Tommy smiled.

"I will,"

  
The three had been walking for a while. Long enough for the biome to shift, Tommy having to take his borrowed coat off and wrapping it around his waist. The chill in the air had been replaced, from the cold of snow and ice came the cold of mistrust. Even though Tommy's gaze of being high, he was on high alert.

They'd walked for long enough that they were now at the remains of L'manburg, and fuck, Tommy could feel his heartbeat thumping around his rib-cage. "Wh... why are we here?"

"Can't you see it?" Niki asked, and Tommy had only just noticed what she had been wearing around her shoulders. "What you did?"

"What.... what I did?" he asked, "I mean, I know I made... L'manburg, but come on, I didn't set up the TNT, right?"

"Yeah, but you caused it," Jack said, "You're the reason we had all those wars, over what, some stupid disks?"

Tommy tilted his head to the side. He wondered if he should make a joke out of it, or take them seriously. "Well, I mean... Dream, he took them from me,"

"They don't have to mean anything," Niki said, "They never did! They're just plastic,"

"Well, it doesn't matter now," Tommy simply said, shrugging, "I've got them,"

"At what cost!?" Jack yelled out, and Tommy was sure he could hear the shout echoing around the hole in front of them, "Don't you see what you've done?"

"I..." Tommy felt tears coming to his eyes, "It was Dream," he could feel his mind becoming clouded, as though he was drowning within the desperate pleas that it wasn't him. It was Dream, it wasn't him, it wasn't his fault.

"You started a war with him and got L'manburg exploded," Niki said, words jabbing Tommy right in his heart.

"F-fuck," tears were streaming down his face at that point, "I-I gotta go, I've gotta, I gotta smoke, holy shit," either that or force himself to bleed. The last time he'd done that was only a few hours ago.

That, of course, was when Niki and Jack's hands came in contact with Tommy's back, forcing him backwards. Causing him to fall into the hole that was the only remains of L'manburg.

Tommy wondered, as he stared up to the blue sky, if he should even fucking bother. Should he allow himself to live knowing exactly what they thought of him, it wasn't true, was it?

... Did that even matter, though?

Still, the reason that he grabbed a water bucket, the reason that he landed on the ground with no damage taken, wasn't because of him, or wanting to prove himself. It was because of Tubbo and Ranboo. He'd just gotten a taste of what family was again, and he wasn't going to let that go any time soon. 

"What the- mother fucker!" Jack yelled down, "Niki, he's alive!"

He didn't hear their voices before they jumped down themselves, water catching them the same way it had Tommy. Niki had drawn her sword as fast as she could, although she faltered once Tommy's eyes landed on hers. 

He knew that they were tired.

"What?" he asked, watching as she put her sword away again. Jack didn't say anything, simply looking between them. "Not gonna do it? You were all for Tommy murder like, five seconds ago," he sniffled, wiping his eyes before he began to sob. Properly, in a way that he hadn't in such a long fucking time.

"I-I mean, come on! Do it! Fucking stab me already!" his screams were echoing around him, he knew, it sounded the same as his mind, "You know, I looked up to Wilbur so much, I did everything that he did! Why not fucking die in the same way?" he walked towards Niki, pulling her sword out of the holder for her, "Fucking kill me,"

"Tommy- I-"

"DO IT! I want to fucking die, okay? You think I haven't tried?" he walked back, dropping the sword, flinching as it clattered onto the floor. his fingers hooked under his sleeves, dragging up towards his upper arms, displaying bandages that had been stained with red. 

"Oh, fuck," Jack muttered, shock clear on his face and in his tone and Tommy undid the bandages.

"See? I've tried," they could see his scars, and even some of his cuts that hadn't had time to properly heal, "I've- I've tried to OD, to hang myself, to fucking drown myself- and you're probably about to blame me for that, but hey! Who the fuck are you two to say shit when you never fucking visited me!"

"Do you know how fucking hard it is when the only friend you have is Dream." he continued, "Dream, who's in a prison, who manipulated you to the point that you'd kill yourself for him, who did the same for your best friends," he took a deep breath, "And still, you, the sixteen-year-old gets blamed for what Dream did. What that green mother fucker did to you, to your friends, to your family," he sobbed out, "So yeah, kill me, go ahead! It's fine! No one would care, not even me, I mean, well, you can try," his voice was starting to feel coarse, "God knows I have,"

He hadn't noticed the crowd that had grown at the top of the hole, but looking up, he could definitely recognise Tubbo and Ranboo stood beside Sam and Puffy. Sapnap was there, Tommy cold just barley see a concern on his face at this distance and the real kicker...

Techno was there. 

He began to sob harder, if that were possible. It was so like him to have a public break-down like this. Although there was one thing that Tommy knew about himself, that only Tubbo and Ranboo had known until now. When backed into a corner, at this point, Tommy doesn't have any fight left in him. Instead of drawing his fists, tears fall from his eyes, and he cries for someone to help him, knowing that no one ever would.

That's when Sam came down and scooped Tommy into his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all deserve a choccy milk after this one <3
> 
> Next Chapter will have Sam in it properly !! Poggers !!  
> Along with Techno finally getting his head out his ass and Puffy being her usual self, a father
> 
> I haven't written it yet but my god that is the plan


	5. Father. Father I crave violence. Father Puffy I crave-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Puffy, and Techno take the Trinity of Trauma back to Sam's house, Puffy talks some sence into Techno, and the teens discuss possible plans of murder.

Silence.

Nothing had been said while Sam carried a shaking and sobbing Tommy back towards his home. Techno had followed, along with Puffy, Ranboo and Tubbo. Not a word had been uttered while Puffy held Tubbo and Ranboo's hands like they were kids, like they were _her_ children. Not one sound escaped the small group as Techno tried to rack his mind for reasons that he should have known.

Complete and utter silence.

That was, until, Tommy opened his mouth. It was something that was rather normal coming from him. "You know, you commit once or twice and suddenly everyone's worried about you, what's up with that?" he let out, Tubbo laughing outright, while Ranboo tried his best not to. 

"Man, I'm pretty sure you only said like, three of them?"

"Man, imagine only trying to kill yourself three times, cringe," Ranboo said, and the three adults were left to feel uneasy as the teenagers laughed harder.

"Ignore- ignore us," Tubbo said, clapping a hand onto Techno's shoulder, "We're high,"

"Oh, you smoke?" Puffy asked, although she didn't have the air of disappointment that they expected, "I do too,"

"Maybe we should smoke together sometime," Tubbo replied, smiling. He didn't expect Puffy to be... accepting of it. None of them did.

"Wilbur showed you, didn't he?" Techno asked, just in time for everyone to come to a stop outside of Sam's home. The piglin-hybrid wasn't sure what was happening, but he didn't really care, he had just enough trust in Sam to know that he wouldn't try to hurt him. Even if it was only out of fear.

"Yep, Tommy's shit at rolling,"

"Oi, fuck off, I'm better than Ranboo,"

"I haven't even tried to yet!" he defended, "I only started smoking like... two days ago, yeah, legitimately two days ago,"

"Tommy, you can walk, right?" Sam said, seemingly ignoring the conversation to the best of their ability. 

"I have legs, Sam, yes,"

"Even if ya' didn't you could hover," Tubbo referenced, Tommy chuckled as Sam helped him stand upright.

Everyone watched as Sam opened the door. It wasn't exactly that, however, a large gaping hole being left open in the side of a hill. Despite Tommy and Tubbo having been there multiple times in the past, it never ceased to amaze them how Sam had been able to make an entrance this impressive with simple Redstone. Everyone, aside from puffy and Sam himself, watched with their own form of amazment.

"Cool," Ranboo said, if this were a cartoon, stars would've been in his eyes.

"I'm glad you think so," Sam replied, breathing out a sigh. His words were genuine, but he wished that the kids there would take the matter at hand seriously. "Everyone in, even you Techno,"

"Seriously?"

"Uh... yeah? You kinda followed us, might as well, right?"

"Not many people let me into their homes nowadays, sorry," he had a joking tone in his voice, but everyone suspected him to be honest when Tommy and Tubbo started to snicker. 

Sam closed up the door once everyone was in, and everyone watched with awe once again as the door closed back up.

"Alright, game plan here is to get everyone calmed down and cleaned up, and then some serious talk, alright?" Puffy said, somehow drawing attention towards herself with no effort at all. "We don't want another breakdown,"

"It'd be like the fourth this week!" Ranboo joked, "Far too many,"

"Yeah, yeah kid, I know you guys like to joke about it but it's not the best thing to do, trust me," she sighed, "Sam, you still got your chill-out room, or are we all gonna swarm your bedroom?"

"I could build another one..." he muttered, "I needed more storage space,"

"Hm, okay, get to work on that buddy," Puffy rubbed her eyes, "We're swarming your bedroom,"

"Okay, be kind to Fran," they replied, going... somewhere so he could begin building. 

"What're we doing?" Techno asked.

"When something big goes down, me and Sam like to just chill out somewhere, we had a room for until someone wanted storage space!" she yelled the last part over her shoulder, soft smile on her face, "So we're gonna go to his bedroom, plus, I think someone has some wounds that need cleaning up," she ruffled Tommy's hair affectionately. "I doubt you cared enough to clean yourself properly, those bandages looked days old kid,"

"Yeah, he really doesn't," Tubbo said, practically taking the words out of Tommy's mouth, "Even I'm better at it than him, and all I do is arm, ice water, cold," Tubbo paused, "That is when it is on my arms,"

Puffy paused, "Okay, so I'm just going to assume all three of you need to be properly cleaned up, got it," her brows arched in worry, nothing more and nothing less, "That's okay, we're gonna have to get you guys a way to stop, though,"

"Wh-"

"Ah ah! Last I checked you three aren't adults," she cut Tommy off, opening a door.

Sam's room was big, Fran sitting sleepily in the corner, a double bed sat in the centre of the room. It was nice, homey, the only one to really feel out of place there was Techno.

"Is.. is there anything I can do, to help?" said man asked, vulnerability in his voice that you'd be hard pressed to hear in any other situation.

"Getting some water would, yeah," Puffy replied, "How about we do that together? I think we should talk over some things,"

Whoever could strike fear into the great Technoblade should be powerful, more so than him, but Puffy wasn't that. The sheep-hybrid wasn't the best at fighting, much more preferring to build or mine, although most would say that she could build better than him. The reason Technoblade was scared wasn't that she could, or would for that matter, hurt him. In that moment, Techno feared her because she was what Phil hadn't been in a long time to his younger siblings; a parent. He was more scared of the shame that she brought up in him, for not seeing everything sooner, for not being there for his siblings. For not being a good big brother.

"Okay," he sighed out, apprehension in one breath. Puffy had a look on her face that told him that he should be scared. 

  
Puffy closed the door behind them, heavy wood making a loud click once the latch came into place. Techno eyed her, trying to see if she would attack him, but she didn't shift an arm, she didn't reach for a weapon. Instead, she raised a brow, and smiled. "I'm not gonna kill you,"

"You want to, though,"

"No, that's where you're wrong, I want to kill Phil if anything,"

"...Why... why him?"

"Well, he abandoned Tommy and Wil, then killed will, leaving Tommy for you- again, don't blame you for that at all, you can't pick if you're the favourite child or not," Techno stopped walking, Puffy paused herself, "He's not the best person, you know?"

"...I didn't really know," he replied, beginning to walk alongside Puffy once more, "Like, I... I really, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not the best when it comes to emotions, and if something could really, pertain to them? I ignore it,"

"Wonder where you got that from," the sheep-hybrid replied, sarcasm heavy in her voice, "Look, do you want my honest to god opinion?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not a good guy, but you _could_ be," she came to a stop outside a mass of furnaces, turning towards them, "You've got your head in your ass- and don't say that you don't, you're all about not allowing people to have power when you're one of the most powerful people in this server," Techno didn't know what to say to that, so he simply didn't utter a word. Puffy took out a bucket filled with water, and the taller tilted his head to the side, wondering what she was doing as she placed it on top of a furnace, "You're also all about people respecting your opinions, while not respecting theirs. You're a good kid at heart, but you're just a little messed up - I mean, who isn't here?" she grabbed a few lumps of coal, hands staining black as she shoved it into the furnace, she took out some iron ore and began smelting it. Techno watched in a form of awe as the water began to steam, "I genuinely think that you care for those kids, but I really think that you should talk to them, your actions aren't irredeemable if you start being there for them now, and to be fair, I'm pretty sure that Ranboo's got your back when it comes to them two,"

"You know, I'm pretty sure that you're the only one who's had the guts to call me out on my bullshit before,"

Puffy laughed, "I fear no man," she joked, tone clear and obvious, Techno had the sneaking suspicion that she was doing it on purpose. He didn't mind that, in fact, he appreciated the small gesture, more than he would ever say.

"What're you doing?"

"Making sure that the water is sterile, I don't want to risk giving those kids infections," 

-

For the second time that day, an uncharacteristic quiet spread across three teenagers as they waited in Sam's room. 

There was something to be said about the quiet, it could mean peace, it could mean a still moment in the middle of chaos, the stillness that spreads out between people, chill covering them like a blanket, worried glances as they knew a storm was coming. For these three, the last one was very much the case, although they wondered who would be the first droplets of rain to come down. 

"... I'm going to fucking kill them," Tubbo said, breaking the silence. The other two looked at him with confusion clear on their faces. "I-I trusted Jack, I'm... Jesus fucking christ, consider him _dead_ ,"

"Tubbo, it's not worth it," Tommy replied, Ranboo nodding along. 

"I don't fucking care if it's worth it or not, they tried to kill you! It's not even like you have more than one life, Tommy, they knew what they were doing,"

"So are you gonna try and kill me for all the times I've attempted?"

"That's different and you know it," he sat next to Tommy, and Ranboo next to him. For once there was enough space on a bed for all of them to sit next to each other. "I'm sick of pretending to be nice, okay? And I don't care if you two don't think it's worth it, they deserve it,"

"Talk to Puffy about it," Ranboo muttered, and Tubbo rolled his eyes.

"What, so she can change my mind?"

"No, so she can calm you down," Ranboo replied, "To be fair, I think she's probably having a similar idea, but swearing on a personal vendetta while you're pissed off and high isn't... yeah, isn't really the best thing to do,"

"Fuck you, and fuck you for being right," He sighed, falling back on the bed and lying down. 

"And uh... can just say that I don't want you to kill people on my behalf?" Tommy said, turning slightly so he could look at his friend properly

"Fine, fine, I'll just kill them because they broke my trust," 

"Oh man, you'd have to kill so many people if you just went with everyone who broke your trust," Tubbo laughed, causing a chain reaction, as per usual.

Their laughter broke once the door opened, Tubbo sat up as Puffy placed a bucket of water down.

"Let's get you three cleaned up," she smiled, trying to calm the growing worry that she knew the three would be feeling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have seen inside Sam's base n all but I just don't really pay it much attention, so i've basically just gone on with a bunch of bullshit.
> 
> I got a comment that said that Tubbo would be real pissed off and they were right and so it's been written.
> 
> I would go in depth with it more if that was really the vibe for this story, tbh this is kinda just a way for me to write things I like and find cool instead of taking it all serious like, so I'm surprised that so many people have liked it. Thank you for that everyone :D You're all os pogchamp ily all


End file.
